Introduce your wife or girlfriend to paintball

By Rick Hulshof

Okay, a lot of us are in the position that we would like to get our Significant Other (I’ll use SO for short from here on in) involved in this sport that we have developed a serious addiction to. But how do we actually get them to play with us? Well we have a group of 7 players that are all made up of couples for rec. ball, and this is the best way we have found that works for the “majority” (the advice I am giving here won’t work for everyone, this is obvious – you can’t change everyone’s mind).
First off we should look at some reasons why they don’t want to play.

Disclaimer: These comments don’t apply to all women, or just women for that fact. There are a lot of guys that think this way as well. For some reason the guys that do are harder to convince. If anything I write here comes across a sexist, I apologize in advance. Oh, and if you would like to get back at me, feel free to take it out on me at the field.

1- Some are afraid of the pain when you get hit. I’m sure your SO has seen some nasty welts on your body.

2- Some feel paintball is violent or encourages violence.

3- Some have actually seen you and others play and may feel intimidated by the skill levels they saw on the field.

4- Others just don’t understand the thrill that comes out of a game.

5- And then there is just the fact they never thought of playing because they feel it is a “guy’s sport”. True the sport is male-dominated but we all want to change that, don’t we?

I’m sure there are a lot more reasons than this, but these are just the points that I have heard from feedback of different spouses in our group.

Okay, to deal with this, first their fears have to be addressed.

#1 – The pain factor is number one on the list and rightfully so (I was afraid of this myself when I went out the first time). Explain that most hits only sting a bit and that the excitement of the game really takes away from the pain. I have been hit and not even felt it. When she brings up the welts she has seen, explain that those are mostly caused by close range hits or hits on bare skin, and you will have a safe distance mercy rule for the game. Most field owners I have met are very good about enforcing this, if you request and explain it to them. They want new players too. Offer to borrow, rent, or buy protection designed for women paintball players. Maybe you could talk your field owner into buying this as rental equipment. I know of a few cases where players have succeeded in this. If they are still concerned, ask them to think about it and end by saying “wouldn’t the occasional hit be worth it just for the opportunity to hit me?” Make sure she has a neck guard (really I think everyone should wear one)! If your SO takes a hit on the neck without one her first day out, you won’t likely see her back.

#2 – This opinion can sometimes be cleared up by presenting them with articles about the sport that explain the benefits of the game. There are good articles out there. The internet is a valuable tool. Start searching the newbie advice areas and articles that deal with parents and paintball. Explain why you love it so much ( ie the thrill, the stragedy, the release of everyday stress), but avoid the use of words like kill, gun, shoot. You are doing this step because they have the misconception that paintball is violent after all.

#3 – The fear of the skill level. This is harder to overcome and arrange. What we have found that works is arranging a private day at a paintball field with no walk-ons. Also have an agreement with your experienced players to take it easy. Drop your skill level a few notches for the first while. This is not because they are female, but because they are less experienced. We do the same thing when we introduce any new player, not just women. Have a mercy rule in effect and follow it. No full auto markers on the field. Have a 3 shot rule (sight, fire 3 shots, see if you hit, then repeat if necessary). If they get nailed by 10 consecutive shots the first time out, they will likely not come back. Also try to arrange as many other women out on the same day. Women go to bathrooms in groups, why not on the field. (Hehe. Sorry I had to make one intentional sexist remark.) Make sure you split the teams up well, and have a patient peer (buddy) arranged for each SO (in most cases not with their SO tends to work better). Their Buddy is there to give advice and basically show them the ropes. This matching is one of the more important factors for their first experience to be successful.

#4 – For those that don’t understand the thrill of the game, it sometimes helps to have them come and watch you play, but don’t make the same mistake I did. I almost had my wife convinced to play. She came out to watch us play and we had some other of the wives in our group playing with us (this was what we did right). We had a few matches and everything was going great. My wife saw how excited the other SO’s in the group were coming off the field. She saw them shaking off the hits they got as nothing, and how proud they were when they took out an experienced player. The field owner was great. He allowed my wife to watch from the field with a free rental mask. She was out of range but still close enough to see. We only had time for a few more games and decided to try out the new Sup-Air field. This was a guys-only thing (we were the only ones interested) and I explained that she wouldn’t have to play this type of fast, close-range action, unless she wanted to. Again she was at the sideline, in the staging area (that wasn’t protected by safety netting), with her mask . Well you can guess what happened. She got stuck in the crossfire. While it was funny to watch her dance like a drunken ballerina, it took a long time to convince her to play after that episode.

#5 – I really don’t know what to tell you to help handle their feelings about the sport being male-dominated, other than tell her that it’s true to a point, but slowly changing through guys like us that want to share a fun hobby with their spouse. You could show her articles about female pro players like Bea Youngs and Keely Watson to show that women can be often just as, or more, competitive than the guys.

OK, so now you have convinced a few SO’s to try playing. What do we do at this point?

• Well for starters you make good on all the promises that you made.
• All the experienced players had better be good sports. No swearing, No fighting or arguing.
• Before the first game. Make sure they understand the safety rules! Get them to target shoot a bit so they get comfortable with the marker and it’s limits. Explain positioning. Ask them where they would like to play, but encourage them and their buddy to play a more upfront position. You want them playing where the action is exciting, but not intimidating. There are a couple of reasons for this. If they are excited and do get hit, it likely won’t be as painful, or it will simply hit their hopper or mask. Also, there is a better chance they will actually hit someone. Plus the back players are often the last ones left and in many cases end up in a 1 on 3 scenario. This has a tendency to not be fun for a new player.
• After the first game compliment them. At least 2 or 3 compliments for every single piece of advice you are going to give them is not a bad idea.
• Ask them how they liked the first game, and find out what they didn’t like. Try to help them get around the negative issues they bring up.
• In the next game, take a hit – somewhat intentionally. I will get disagreements and flames on this, BUT IT WORKS. Many aren’t willing to do this, but we will frequently put ourselves in a position where one of the SO’s can actually take us out. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t make it too easy, but if you can take a hit it really tends to hook someone. Remember make it fun!